ignavus

the Origin of the Human Race ~ part two~

Congratulation, you are now a single-cell mother-fucker (which is kinda weird because your mother is basically a fat you, but who am I to judge). here is where things get splitsy. there are single-cell heterotroph (can’t make your own god damn sandwiches) and autotroph (makes awesome sandwiches from sunlight and baby dreams. like a man). autotroph go on to evolve into algae and land plants, but they are boring as fuck so we’ll leave those guys alone. we also have those fungi, but we’ll ignore them too.

Chapter Four- from Eukarya to Groupies
there are single-cell organisms that sometime turn into a multi-cell organism or make structures built by many cells. e.g. slime molds (appetizing name, I know). these are still SINGLE-cell because they usually live as single-cell organism and group up just to reproduce. so they are having massive orgies as we speak and you are sitting in front of the computer and reading this. good luck in life.

Chapter Five- from Groupies to Sponges
sponges (yep, there are living sponges you tool, where did you think the idea came from), are usually multi-cell. however, wrecking their shit up can cause them to separate into individual cells which then can regroup into the original sponge. the more I study biology the more I think that everyone in the natural kingdom is more badass than humans. thanks nature. sponges eat by filtration of water, but they don’t move, or have any real organs. but they are considered animals. for some reason.

Chapter Six- from Sponges to Floating Gelatinous Horror (AKA jellyfish)
jellyfish are simple creatures. they have to main cellular layers and an everything chamber that manages everything that comes in or out of its body. it’s having oral sex, all the time. jellyfish exist a long time ago (not as they are today, but the same principal) and are considered simple mobile animals. that mobility will be times more awesome when the next step of evolution will kick in, and we shall witness an explosion. a Cambrian explosion. (Note: the Cambrian explosion is not an actual explosion. it’s more like a pants explosion. you know, what happens to me when I see your mom).

Next time, we see most life as we know it, and early fishies.

the Origin of the Human Race ~ part one~

intro:
I always wanted to draw a certain timeline from the creation of life ‘til today. now I finally had the time and energy to do so.
NOTE: the following assumption about the origin of life and organisms are from scientific theories, very good, reliable, fact supported, fun, sexy theories, but theories none the less.

Chapter One: random Bio-crap to RNA-cell
in the beginning planet earth was covered in great oceans and rocky continents. reaction between water, natural gases and energy from lightning and volcanic eruption provided us with primary organic material: amino acids (protein LEGO), RNA (DNA’s brilliant yet totally creepy cousin) and fatty acids. meaning, primordial oceans were pretty delicious.

fatty acids have that annoying quality to group in water and forming fat bubbles (note to self, fat bubbles is an awesome band name). when they form those out-of-shape bubbles, they can trap RNA and proteins. which is cool because RNA can self-replicate, act as a catalyst and even synthesize protein!
putting all of this together you get a sort of lame RNA-cell.

Chapter Two: RNA-Cell to Protocell
RNA is awesome and all, but he is way too unstable to be a reliable information keeper. beside, he totally freaked out when we tried to touch his chips. what a weirdo. so, several RNA lameness continued until RNA got switched with DNA (not completely, but DNA still kicked his ass). the cell began to settle all of its basic actions: feeding, shitting and fucking, AKA being in college. the result, the ProtoCell (which kinda sounds like a transformer), the origin of all life on earth.

Chapter Three: Protocell to Eukaryote
there are three Domains of Life: Bacteria-the guys that makes your anus explode every time you eat bad pork, Archea- Chuck Norris of the single-cell world, Eukarya-us and most things we know.
it seems that Eukarya was created from a fusion of Bacteria and Archea which were splits from the Protocell. it’s not a 100%, but Eukarya does share more with both of them then they do with each other. I just think that Archea banged Bacteria and didn’t return her phone calls, what a jerk. 
anyway, now we have Eukarya with its nifty nucleus, mitochondria and $WAG.

next up, from Eukarya to wormy things!